


Romantic Attraction

by Anonymous033



Series: Arospec Hayes [1]
Category: Conviction (TV 2016)
Genre: Ableism, Aromantic, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internalized Arophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-09-02 03:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8649736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous033/pseuds/Anonymous033
Summary: Hayes doesn’t think she’s ever felt ‘the fuzzies’ for anyone, but she’d always thought it was circumstance. Her place in life. The wrong social circle. Her lack of psychological wellbeing. After all, she’s not unaware of her trust issues and her tendency towards wrecking everything in her path.





	

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Despite the misleading title, this is not a Hayes/Tess ship fic. It’s a character study of Hayes in which Tess plays an important role, but it’s not a ship fic, so please don’t go into this looking for that.
> 
> 2\. As a bi arospec, I personally headcanon Hayes as being on the aromantic spectrum, and this fic is an exploration into her introduction to the identity. It is by no means a representation of all arospec experiences, but I can only hope that what I’ve captured makes sense.

The folder that lands quietly on her desk catches her attention. Frowning, Hayes looks up from her work.

Tess stands before her in the dimmed light of the office, lips and fingers twisted. The girl is silent, though, so Hayes pulls the folder towards her and flips the cover.

“I took that off the Internet for you,” Tess finally says, but Hayes pays little heed as she takes in the words on the paper before her.

_Aromanticism: The lack of romantic attra—_

“What the hell is this?” she asks. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she notes that her voice is low and tense; a vindictive little part of her hopes that it’s making Tess flinch.

Tess shifts on her feet before answering. “Last night, when you were talking about how all the mushy stuff never made sense to you—”

“You thought I needed a _diagnosis_ for that?” Hayes presses out through gritted teeth. _Great; even_ Tinkerbell _thinks there’s something wrong with me._

“No!” Tess yelps. “No, it’s not a diagnosis. It’s a sexuality. A romantic orientation, to be exact, but we can get into that later.”

“What makes you think I want to be getting into this with you at all?”

The other girl lowers her eyes. “Nothing. I just thought—”

“You just thought you’d stick your nose into things that aren’t your business.”

“I’m sorry,” Tess finishes lamely, timid fingers stretching out to wrap around the folder. “I’ll take that back.”

“No—wait,” Hayes blurts. A sigh catches in her throat, and she closes her eyes tiredly. “I’ll read it.”

Opening her eyes, she starts again at the top.

_Aromanticism: The lack of romantic attraction._

_Aromantic spectrum: A spectrum of identities to do with aromanticism; includes labels such as aromantic, grayromantic, demiromantic—_

“These are a mouthful,” Hayes says drily, closing the folder. She avoids Tess’ gaze. “You know I’ve been in relationships before, right?”

“I know,” Tess murmurs. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have assumed they didn’t include romance.“

“Didn’t think I’d be good as anything other than a fuckbuddy?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Tess refutes. “That’s not what aromanticism is about—not that there’s anything wrong with relationships that are exclusively sexual. It’s just a thing, for some people, where … dating and romantic feelings as a paired construct doesn’t make sense to them.”

“Right,” Hayes says uncertainly.

“But they have relationships anyway, some of them. It can be sexual, it can not be.”

A beat. “I’ve never had a relationship where I haven’t slept with the other person either,” Hayes says. Tess colours visibly.

“T-that’s okay,” she stammers. “You’re a sexual person.”

“I am,” Hayes concedes.

“What I’m trying to say is—” Tess licks her lips, “—maybe you also liked relationships for their emotional intimacy.”

“As opposed to their romantic intimacy,” Hayes concludes.

Tess smiles and nods her head like an approving schoolteacher. “Exactly.”

Hayes blows a puff off air out through her mouth. “I don’t think I can tell the difference.”

“Well,” Tess begins, sinking slowly into the armchair in front of Hayes’ desk, “what romantic attraction is differs from person to person, but people tend to have an idea of what it feels like in their head.”

“Mmhmm.”

“And aromantic people—” Tess lifts her hands as if to gesture, but then breathes out in frustration. “I’m not aromantic, so I don’t really know how to explain this, but their idea of romantic attraction doesn’t—help them to achieve what they want in life.”

“Because they don’t feel it.”

“Yeah.”

“So, why don’t they change their idea of romantic attraction?”

“‘Cause it’s something you feel intrinsically.” Tess shrugs her shoulders. “It’s like asking me to stop crushing on…. Um.”

Hayes decides magnanimously to overlook that. “What does it have to do with emotional intimacy?”

“If they want a relationship, some people prefer to have a relationship with their best friend. Or it doesn’t really even have to be a best friend: Sometimes people just want companionship; or the emotional support they get from talking abou—talking to someone after a long day; or the physical closeness of another person, sexually or otherwise.”

Hayes is reminded of back when she had held Naomi Golden’s hand just for the heck of it. She misses it. Their sex had been explosive, but above all she misses the small, intimate-but-chaste moments they had had, like quizzing each other in preparation for their exams or stuffing themselves with junk food as they watched bad television. She misses when they had been confidantes rather than enemies.

Pursing her lips, she asks, “What makes you think I’m aromantic?”

“Nothing,” Tess responds quickly. “I’m not saying you are; I just thought you might wanna look at it.”

“You think I might be.”

“You sounded so unhappy yesterday,” Tess admits reluctantly. “You were drunk by the time I got you out of the office to ferry you back home and I don’t think you meant to share as much, but you were … talking about Conner and Naomi and wondering if they had the fuzzies for each other. You said you wondered whether they’d want you if you learnt how to have the fuzzies for them. Said you could make it a threesome … like the Three Musketeers, but more bisexual.”

“I remember,” Hayes replies quietly. The aforementioned memory is coming back along with no small bit of mortification. “Maybe it’s just them I don’t have the fuzzies for, though.”

“Maybe,” Tess says. “I can’t answer that for you.”

Hayes doesn’t think she’s ever felt ‘the fuzzies’ for anyone, but she’d always thought it was circumstance. Her place in life. The wrong social circle. Her lack of psychological wellbeing. After all, she’s not unaware of her trust issues and her tendency towards wrecking everything in her path.

She opens her mouth, but finds that for once, she has no words to speak.

“There’s nothing wrong with being aromantic, you know,” Tess continues softly. “There’s nothing wrong with being romantic, either. If you feel it, then you feel it. But this is—if you need the comfort.”

“I never liked taking those long, moonlit walks with Conner,” Hayes mutters with bittered amusement, hurt and resentment she thought she’d long suppressed bubbling up. “Thought it was pointless. Nay was a bit better; we didn’t go out much. When she started looking at me with those puppy-dog eyes—when both of them did….”

Tess nods earnestly.

“Thank you, Tess,” Hayes says, more dismissal than gratitude, but she grabs hold of Tess’ wrist as the latter stands up. “Where’d you get the information?”

Tess flushes prettily again. “I have friends on the aromantic spectrum,” she says. “I could hook you up if you want.”

Hayes arches her eyebrows. “You talk to your friends about me?”

“Not yet, but I could.”

“Huh.” Hayes ponders that, letting go of Tess’ wrist. “No, I’ll think about it. Go home; it’s late.”

With a shy smile, Tess turns and departs. Hayes sits back in her chair, half watching Tess leave, half eyeing the folder on her desk. Cautiously, she reaches out to pick it up. Opening it again, she reads.

_Romantic attraction: Romantic feelings or desires toward someone; described as wanting to do romantic activities with them…_

Hayes runs a finger down the page; smiles to herself.

* * *

Crossposted to: [Tumblr](http://anonymous033.tumblr.com/post/153605032487/romantic-attraction-a-hayes-tess-one-shot)


End file.
